I remember the days I prayed for the life I have now.
I came from nothing and made my life something. More than once.
My life is proof that it WILL get better, that no matter how many times life knocks you down, that you can and should get back up.
From a very early age, I have been abandoned.. Those who you should’ve been able to have relied on- I couldn’t…and still can’t.
I was raised in a sort of dysfunction. A play pretend way of life where everyone thought I was ok, but I wasn’t.
Trauma happened to me at a very young age. Things I won’t be ready to reveal for some time. Things that have affected my entire being.
Being raised in dysfunction does something to you. It changes you.. guides you subconsciously.. traumas I never faced in my youth caused me to grasp at any male that gave me attention, falsely believing they were THE ONE and grasping at anything to make them stay with me because I was so terrified of being abandoned and I needed to feel loved. This led me to my first Husband, to a teen pregnancy. And although my daughter is my world and I would do NOTHING to change her birth story, I can notice my reasons of why I ended up in a marriage I never wanted.
I went into that marriage and forced it to survive when we both knew we wanted other things.. when we both knew we were POLAR opposites. I knew I deserved much better, but still forced it to continue on as long as it did because I couldn’t handle another ounce of abandonment or failure. I couldn’t be the reason my children’s life fell apart. I needed to go back to being strong and playing pretend. I needed to do it for them, and so I did. For several years even though I was dying inside. I eventually realized staying in an unhealthy marriage was not what my children needed to be happy. We all needed to be set free.
Ever since 2014, when I met my current husband, we have continued to be blessed.. continued to grow. Sure, the beginning was rocky, but we have made it. We built this beautiful life. We have created a loving and safe home. Things I have prayed for- a life I’ve begged for to God has become a reality.
I am proof it can all get better and I feel so blessed for that. 🤍