utah

The truth about the fourth trimester

The fourth trimester is supposed to be difficult… and some might even say it is the hardest part of pregnancy. And by “some”- I mean ME.

With all of my babes, I struggled most during this phase.
I felt over and over that something must’ve been wrong with me.. maybe I was a terrible mom.. maybe I was broken.

I’d be irritable, filled with hate for my new body.. I’d feel like I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.. physically, emotionally.. I was detached.

I was always stuck in a place of secretly begging for help, but wanting to be left alone at the same time.

I felt overstimulated.
Broken.
Inadequate and exhausted.

This time around, I still feel exhausted. I even still feel inadequate. And occasionally I’m overstimulated.. but this time around, I have a softness for myself, which is new. I refuse to attach myself to my fourth trimester emotions. I allow them to come in and I choose to move past them.
I refuse to let them define me.
In my life, they are simply a season.
Yes, maybe a dark season.. but in plain, a season which will come and it will go.

This all means loving my babies and not feeling guilty over taking a break (or two). It means having a moment of rough emotions and not feeling ashamed afterwards. It means I can be a HOT MESS and not let that define me as a good mommy. It means that sometimes I’m super mama and can juggle all six of my babes and other times, I hide for a moment or two.

It DOESN’T mean I don’t love my babies. It simply means that I love myself too.

To all of us mamas in their darkest season, this will not and does not define you! You’re one badass mama, so keep on going!

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