self love · truth · utah

Letting go of fear and loving myself completely

I’m shy. I’m introverted. I’m socially awkward. I’m damaged 10x over. People mistake me for being a snob because I just sit there and don’t approach them. But what they don’t understand is that makes them the snob. Judging me instead of trying to understand or acknowledge who I truly am.

This is lovely

I’ve struggled with this my entire life. I am definitely a rare person. I am not comfortable having friends and I am not comfortable in social settings. My husbands Christmas work party the other night had me almost in tears because I had such social anxiety. Being introduced to people after people, and having to sit there surrounded by a hundred more had me in some type of head space. 🥴

Where I am comfortable is around my close family and at my home.

It’s not that I don’t want to be around people, get to know people, or be out doing things, but it’s not in my comfort zone. I get anxiety and my nerves go crazy. I get edgy, uncomfortable, paranoid. It’s so bad, that I want my husband, mom or kids with me if I go out so no one approaches me. That way I look “busy” or “distracted”. Sometimes I’ll pretend to be on my phone so people avoid me.

Preach 🙌🏻

I’ve never understood people (like MY MOM) who are extroverted. Who can sit and chat with strangers all day. Who actually WANT to… it’s something I don’t think I’ll ever understand because to me- I just can’t! I mean, more power to them! That’s amazing, but I could never.

Since when does shyness, social anxiety and introverted make you a snob.. a brat!?! Why do people get to automatically judge you before they even try to understand you!? even though I am these ways, I am always respectful. I am always kind. In fact, if you asked my husband, he gets told almost on a daily how much people love me and how lucky he is (their words not mine!)! I will admit, I am a nice person. I have a kind heart. I forgive easily and I try to see the best in everyone. I just have this little quirk about myself.. I’m shy. But I know it and I am ok with it. That’s one reason it took me so long to even start a blog. I was afraid to be open. Afraid to be vulnerable. Was I maybe too shy to have a blog?! I wasn’t sure. But now, I am confident, I’m not afraid. Sure I am still an introvert and shy, but I have found a love and a strength in myself and blogging.

I used to be so afraid for anyone to know my story because they may judge me even more, or they may actually -KNOW- my truth. And really, my life is a series of crazy, chaotic, reality tv worthy DRAMA. But my life is also gentle, happy and filled with adventures and LOVE. I am just a normal person making my way through life the best that I can. I am just a mommy trying her hardest, always making decisions for my children’s best interests and sometimes quietly crying inside over the chaos. I am just a wife trying to do right by my husband and trying to be there for him every day and love him more every day. I am just a daughter trying to make my parents proud.

I am just Brittni… trying to live a life that doesn’t need recovering from. Trying be be my best self always. Yes, Myself and my life may be hot messes, but that’s ok. That’s life. I love me. I love my life. It took me many years to be able to say that.

Love, Brittni Kat

2 thoughts on “Letting go of fear and loving myself completely

  1. Just found you via Pinterest. I love this post. It feels like I could have written it. So glad I’m not the only one who feels like that. God bless you. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so happy you found me and you felt such a connection to this!!! You are the exact reason I do this! Sending you so much love today! Have a beautiful day!!!!

      Like

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