coparenting · divorce · marriage · parenting · truth

Custody battles and an ugly divorce

This post is simply my opinion. I will not ever reveal who my ex is in order to protect my children, so please do not ask.

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Y’all, let me start this by first saying that I simply can not detail everything how I would like to in just one blog post regarding my experiences with sharing custody and the constant battles faced with it. I will need to break it down into many posts.

And even though this information is so sensitive and personal, I choose to share it- in hopes that I can help someone else who may be in the situations I have been forced in to.

It was my birthday, June 7, 2014 that I became a single mother. At the time, I didn’t know, but I have come to realize that that was the best birthday present I would ever get.

My marriage was lifeless. Hopeless. Empty. At that time, My husband had put my children and I through seven years of affairs, neglect and pain. He was an absent man, never home. Always “working”. Our children would wake up and go to bed without seeing him most days. I’d have to wait up until after midnight to be able to see him- if he came home that is. He’d hide tip money so he could go do things in secret (like hang with friends, go on dates, buy cigarettes and alcohol) when he had pretended to be working.

So earlier when I said it was the best birthday present ever to have him leave, you can see- it really was.

We were finally free of agony. Or so we had hoped.

Your first thoughts would have been freedom getting away from a situation like that.. but really, life got worse. He made sure I would never truly be free of him. Six years, many tears, heartache and court dates later, and My children and I are STILL not free of him. Even though I have a new Husband, and my ex has a committed relationship- he STILL has his hooks in me.

You see, yes he did all that stuff above, but those were surface wounds. Stuff anyone could see. But what you couldn’t see was the other wounds.

He’s a narcissist. He’s manipulative. He’s controlling. He is a metal and emotional abuser. And those things are how I am still not free of him.

I could sit and talk about the torment he put us through then.. how he left me with no vehicle, no money (I had also been a homemaker for years), no hot water or heat in our home… No resources! But that will be for another post.

Custody is about my children, not just me or him. Everything we do now has to be only about those kids. It has to be because the other stuff doesn’t matter. I put everything else behind me when I realized that years ago. The problem is, is it seems as though my ex hasn’t realized that. I feel that he still acts like he owns me, like he can manipulate or control me. He does things, and blames me as if I was the one who did it. Fortunately for me, but unfortunately for him- I record every single thing he and I say to each other, I keep every text and email we share with each other. I keep every single receipt. The day he left me, is the day I began doing this and I swear to you- I promise this is something EVERYONE who coparents should do! I have a file cabinet filled with proof against him, and silly proof of stuff that “doesn’t matter”. I keep everything- texts, emails, recordings, pictures, even just scribbles I’ve written regarding my feelings over discussions we’ve had to further prove something. And if you are in this situation, you should too!

I can not stress this enough, because my ex has accused me of so much that he in turn is the one guilty of it! It has proven my innocence many times. Many times! (And in turn proven him guilty!!)

The other difference between my ex and I is that I don’t take him to court for the sole purpose of protecting my children’s lives and fortunes, but if I sniffle wrong my ex will take me. I have so much proof going against him, and he owes me quite a bit of money for unpaid medical debts and debts in general, but none of it matters. All that matters are my children. They do not want court to happen at all- so I respect that! I only do what my children want and need. I would not allow myself to give them the life that their father exposes them to. But fortunately for me, in thanks to his choices, I know what my kids truly look for in a parent and need.

Court is a rough subject. I have ptsd over it. This is truly a hard topic for me to discuss publicly. My hopes through being vulnerable and writing about it is that not only can possibly you heal or be helped, but maybe I can too!

I have so much to say, so trust me, I will continue these posts regarding custody and divorce battles, but for now, I hope you can get some insight as to what I have gone through and what I will discuss in the future.

Please let me know your stories and what helps you! I’d love to discuss it and hear your feelings. ❤️

Love, Brittni

Final disclosure; I will not be releasing the names of my ex husband and his third parties in any of my posts. I may choose to alter the names for the sole purpose of protecting my children. I hope y’all understand. ❤️

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